Dog Days and Cold Hands

It was hot today. Roasty toasty. Near 95 degrees F. And what did I do? Spent the day indoors, under florescent lights, in an air conditioned meat locker, otherwise known as a professional office with private offices that have doors and windows distributed around the periphery of the building, while everyone else not in some managerial role languishes in cubicle purgatory.

Some wretched popinjays might suggest I was better off where I was, not having to deal with the heat. Well, rot and poppycock I say. Heat is good. Why are there saunas after all? Sweat is good. Having to sit on my hands to thaw them out is not good. Not during the dog days of August. It's damned silly.

Now if it were winter, if it were bitterly cold outside, if the frost penetrated my mittens so I had to clench my hands in a fist inside, I would wish I were inside sitting on my hands to thaw them out. It would not seem so damned silly then, now would it? Or would it? I wonder if then I might wonder, wonder if indeed it were damned silly to be living in such a cold climate where you have to retreat indoors and burn copious amounts of fossil fuels while you sit on your hands to thaw them out.

But be it winter or summer, always, always, I have to sit on my hands to thaw them out. Fiddlesticks. Stuff and nonsense.

It's too cold! Crank up the heat. It's too hot! Crank up the AC. Well the way I look at it, when it is cold your hands can freeze. But when it is hot, what happens to your hands? They don't melt. They suffer no damage. You see? Cold is bad, hot is good. Got it? Good.

Gosh, it can be fun taking a hyperbolic position. But I am American after all. Americans are very good at hyperbole. We are the original swift boaters. We will lie like rugs and create reality. Joseph Goebbels was very good at this. But wait, he wasn't American! Which reminds me of a Dave Berg conversation:

First man: Anyone who is not a right wing conservative like me is either a communist or a damned foreigner.

Second man: Isn't that a bit extreme? A great man once said "Moderation, all things to moderation!"

First man: Oh yeah? Who said that?

Second man: Aristotle, the Greek philosopher!

First man: Aha, you see? He was a damned foreigner!